Jury Duty: Day 1

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko)
03/30/2015 at 16:38 • Filed to: None

The lady sitting next to me in the jury pool (not actually a pool, such disappoint) shoves her phone in my face and says, "IT WON'T SEND."

I respond with, "what? I have no idea."

"IT WON'T SEND."

"I can't help you."

She flips over to her email, "IT WON'T SEND. HOW CAN I SEE IF IT SENT?"

"I don't know..."

She starts a new email, "HOW DO I SEND IT?"

"You need to enter an email address..."

"WHERE?" starts flipping through the phone. Her whole phone is in Comic Sans. This is it. This is actually hell. Where have I gone wrong?

"Right there where it says 'To:___'"

"HOW?"

"Type in the address or use a contact..."

"I AIN'T GOT NO FRIENDS IN THERE, HOW DO I GET THEM IN THERE?"

"You just do it. Type in their info or use your phone contacts. You-"

"I DON'T WANT TO SEND THEM AN EMAIL."

"i'mgoingtogousethebathroom." I quickly walk to the bathroom.

I had to deal with this for 4 and a half hours. I didn't even get to be part of a jury and I have to go back to this tomorrow. I'm bringing my head phones and maybe a razor so just incase she asks me more questions I'll have an escape plan.
'll have an escape plan.

DISCUSSION (24)

Dusty Ventures > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
03/30/2015 at 16:40

You'll never get the razor through security. Wear a necktie. No one questions a necktie.

Brian Silvestro > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
03/30/2015 at 16:40

laughed hard

Jcarr > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
03/30/2015 at 16:40

Anxiously awaiting day two's escapades.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Dusty Ventures
03/30/2015 at 16:41

I can put the razor in my wallet, it'll make it through security.

505Turbeaux > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
03/30/2015 at 16:41

smack her ,that will get you out of jury duty

CKeffer > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
03/30/2015 at 16:42

She deserves to be on trial for the comic sans bit alone, the rest are just additional charges that would get lumped on top of that horrible crime against taste.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
03/30/2015 at 16:42

Remember if you are ever put on trial for something, you are being judged by people who were not smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Jcarr
03/30/2015 at 16:43

Maybe I'll get to hang somebody.

Jcarr > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
03/30/2015 at 16:43

Do they still sentence people to the gallows?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Jcarr
03/30/2015 at 16:48

It's Ohio, so I think it's still on the list of possibilities.

Dusty Ventures > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
03/30/2015 at 16:49

They don't X-ray the wallet?

Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz) > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
03/30/2015 at 16:49

I misread that as "bang" and got to thinking, either would make it a good day.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Dusty Ventures
03/30/2015 at 16:50

Nope, no x-rays

Brian, The Life of > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
03/30/2015 at 16:51

AND YET she's qualified to determine someone's fate.

Oy!

Jcarr > Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz)
03/30/2015 at 16:59

"Send it!"

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

MrDakka > 505Turbeaux
03/30/2015 at 17:08

Que? No hablo ingles

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Brian, The Life of
03/30/2015 at 17:13

Yes. This is what bothers me the most.

Dusty Ventures > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
03/30/2015 at 17:13

Man, y'all are way more trusting than the courthouses here.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Dusty Ventures
03/30/2015 at 17:19

It's Hamilton County, too.

Anima > Brian, The Life of
03/30/2015 at 17:20

Yeah, this makes me happy living in a country that has people that have studied the law for years making an informed decision.

Sam > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
03/30/2015 at 17:37

You need a buzz cut, a Harley, and an Aryan Nation patch on your Hell's Angels leather vest. You'll get out of jury duty. You'd probably be put on the "do not summon, ever again" list, too.

Sam > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
03/30/2015 at 17:40

Also, look what I did. :')

Kinja'd!!!

I had to search for the setting. And it nearly made me vomit.

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > Sam
03/30/2015 at 17:49

well it certainly does bring into question "a jury of one's peers." Sounds like one of you is either way under or over qualified.

Also, if they have an iphone say you're an android guy. Vice versa if it's an android phone. If you have the same phone, pull it out, send an email and play dumb.

Svart Smart, traded in his Smart > Sam
03/30/2015 at 18:15

Open dots for the tittles. I can't even...